What to Do When a Man Finds You

 

Every woman has her insecurities. Maybe it’s the genetically acquired tiny Filipino nose, or the Asian eyes that disappear in a smile. Others are too short to be noticed while some are too tall to go unnoticed. Often times, we (women) think we are too much of one thing—too skinny or too fat. But I always believe that one day; a man will come along and tell us that our imperfections are the atoms that make us perfect. One fateful day, a man will bravely tell you that your heart is the Star of Bethlehem that led him straight to you. When that day comes, will you be ready?

Boy vs. Man

I am not talking about the boy that you met and dated for two weeks. I am certainly not referring to that boy who told you that he loves you after spending a drink with him and talking about your common stuff. Nope. These are the generic type of male creatures that we can find anywhere—even in churches. I’m talking about a real man. I’m talking about a man who silently observes you from afar; finds you unusually amazing in your most passionate and care-free moments; mentally checks his list as you slowly reveal yourself; knows you are too fragile that he makes cautious steps to get close to you but still guards your heart; a man who, out of his curiosity and interest in you, asks God for the joy of discovering you through courtship (for a better knowledge of courtship, I suggest Boy Meets Girl). What will you do when this kind of man finds you?

React or Respond

When a man fasted for you and solicited wise counsels before confessing to you, you are entitled to feel that you are the most beautiful woman on the galaxy on that very special moment. The man did not make a hasty decision to pursue you, so kindly do him a favor. If you haven’t been secretly praying for this man, please do not give a hasty answer. A hasty yes might prematurely open a relationship that God intended for the future. On the other hand, a hasty no is like shutting the door on God’s face.

The plans of the diligent lead to profit
    as surely as haste leads to poverty.

Proverbs 21:5 NIV

You can react. You can reject him to his face because you don’t look at him as your ideal partner. You can tell him to forget about it because it will ruin your friendship, and then opt to ignore him for eternity. You can look at him as one of the generic boys that you fell for and discard him with contempt. You can pretend not to hear him and make him linger until he withdraws himself in resentment.

You can react. Since his careful decision of confessing to you made your heart flutter, and you think that it is not difficult to learn to look at him that way he sees you, you can say yes right away with no hesitation. You can give in to your emotions and impatience because finally, in a school of fish, someone finds you unique! You can always react. It is the easy thing to do.

You can respond. Ask him questions. Of all women, why you? Is it because of your physique or your character? How did he know that you are God’s best for him? Did God speak to him clearly? Ask for a Bible reference. God speaks to us through His word—that’s the best way to confirm if a message comes from Him (1 Thessalonians 2:13; John 14:26). What did his mentors advise him? (Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 11:14) Ask everything that is clouding your mind so that you will know how to pray about the situation.

You can respond. Thank him for finding you interesting and ask him politely to give you a considerable amount of time to process what just happened. Don’t decide based on what you are initially feeling. A real man waits patiently. He will not choke you for an answer. In fact, he will be happy to wait.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:6 NIV

You can respond. Pray about it. Or better yet, fast about it. Ask God to speak to you in all ways He can—audibly, through His word, through Godly counsels or even through a praise and worship hymn. Ask God to remove you from yourself so that you can clearly hear Him without you intervening. God’s presence is more felt in the midst of solitude.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11 NIV

You can respond. Incorporate wisdom and common sense in your decision-making. Have you found your mission (master, mission, mate concept)? Are you spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially ready to explore courtship? Do you have unfinished business that might affect your courtship (and thereafter)? Are you seeing this man as a potential partner?

 

Always remember that the man who likes you is apparently and fortunately, your brother in Christ. Your reaction or response will determine your level of spiritual and emotional maturity. God delights in seeing His children living in harmony (Psalm 133:1). Worship Him by obeying Him!

 

10 Things I Learned about Friendship

 

Last year, I lost a huge amount of people in my life. Being the people-person that I am, it was one of the most difficult phases of my life (I wish people were like love handles). As I continue the journey with the few that remained, I realized the importance of quality versus quantity. The people that I have right now (I trust them this much to assume that I still have them) are already considered as my good old friends (I now have ‘old’ friends. It’s tough getting older). And these are the people who taught me the real meaning and value of friendship.

1. Compromise. Compromising in general is not a sin. We need to compromise if we want to keep the relationship. And I am talking about healthy compromises. If you want to eat lechon now, lechon we shall eat, even if I really feel like eating pizza. If you love K-pop, share your favorite k-series with me and I might just love it then we can start fangirling together. Compromising allows you to experience new things – some of them might be the things that don’t concern you before, but after you compromise, you will be a totally different person!

2. Time. It is very vital in a relationship to spend time with each other. But when you have good old friends, your souls are so intertwined that despite the lack of time, you are still in each other’s prayers, thoughts and inboxes. You are not the clingy friend (anymore) who demands to be accompanied right here right now. You are now the friend who sends random SMSs of your funny experience for the day (whether your friends respond or not), or the friend who, whenever you remember another friend, pauses and sends a prayer to Heaven for that person.

3. Accountability. Friendship is a partnership of two or more people with the intention of keeping each other safe and on the right track. You are to keep an eye on each other because real friends stick closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). If I am the only person who brought a car during a coffee night, I’d love to take you all home safely. If you’re the only person who brought a car during a d-group, you don’t have to take me on my doorstep because I don’t want you to drive late night.

4. Bare Confessions. One of the few places on Earth where it is easy to take your mask off and unload your burden is in the company of real and unarmed friends. I won’t be afraid to tell you that I am struggling with alcohol, or I am broke. I can talk to you about anything without having to raise my defense. In the face of all the dark confessions, I still expect you to react hysterically and with a questioning mind (human as you are), but I know that at the end of the day, you will spare me from your judgment and you will still love me in spite of me.

5. Open Rebuke. We all make mistakes. I made tons of them – killed a bunch of fish in high school, got involved in a wrong relationship, and most of the time, I didn’t give up my right to be right (the struggle is still real!). I’d appreciate it a lot if you rebuke me in my face or over the phone (if you can’t take my scary face haha). I need someone to tell me that what I am doing is wrong. When the words that come out from my mouth turn into knives, tell me. Tell me because you love me and you want me to become a better person – a Christ-like person. And when I do the same to you, please keep that reason in mind. I apologize that you are hurt whenever I rebuke you, and I apologize as early as now when I do this again in the future.
6. Inside Jokes. Nuff said.
7. Blast to the Past. For some reasons unknown to mankind, you will find yourselves talking about the past. How you desperately cried over some jerk, with your second bottle of red wine by your side and your friend had to delete all your drunk tweets to save you from aftermath embarrassment. You will be ashamed, yes. But since that part of your memory was spent with a friend who is so dear to you, you will opt not to let that memory go. Why? So you’ll have something to laugh about when you two blast to the past.

8. Conflict. You are not a husband and wife in the breach of separation, so you cannot file an annulment under the reason of irreconcilable differences. You are friends and there are no break-ups in a real friendship setting. Fix it as soon as the pain subsides. Remember, conflict is a sign of a healthy relationship. Conflict only signifies that you are trying to communicate your thoughts. It takes time and practice and (of course) conflicts to learn how to communicate effectively. Trust me; I am also a bad communicator of my feelings. But that doesn’t stop me from learning the art of communication.

9. Support System. If you are real friends indeed, you will rejoice in the success of another, even if you guys share the same dream and yours is still put on hold. You are the wind beneath your friends’ wings. Your job is to lift them up. If a friend is about to take a giant leap of faith, you are there to support her in her new adventure, even if it means that your friendship will be on an LDR (long distance relationship). If a friend hits rock bottom, the more that you are needed. You are now part of the vital organs of your friends. Play your role responsibly.

10. Letting Go. The water that makes your friendship grow is the art of letting go. Let go of all the pain that you caused each other. Let go of the differences that created a wall between you. Let go of your right to be right. If going away means a better life for them, bless them and let them go wholeheartedly. If separation means spending the rest of their life with the one they truly love, let go of the independence that you once shared with them. And when you learn to unclench your fists, your friendship will blossom like flowers on a warm spring day.

The Perk of Having Two Dads

Dad? What Dad?

When I was in nursery, I didn’t quite understand what a father’s role was. All I knew was dads are supposed to carry their kids around, throw them in the air and not let them fall. At that time, I cannot remember a lot of memories with my Dad. When I was in grade school I thought having a dad by your side was optional. I had classmates whose dads were OFWs (overseas Filipino workers) so I was made to believe that dads are banned from this country (hahaha just kidding). In high school, I totally adjusted to the fact that I do not have a dad by my side. This time, I chose to believe that I was conceived singlehandedly. In college, my perspective changed. I began to look at dads as someone who will provide for my needs up until I finish a degree—it doesn’t matter what the degree is, I just have to get my witty brain out there and finish it. To sum this, the role of a father was something beyond my human comprehension. It was a phenomenon that I cannot explain because I lack personal experience. It was an issue I cannot sympathize with because of insufficient emotional investment.

That is why I never saw God as my Heavenly Father. I tried. A lot of times, I was disgusted with the thought. I mocked in disbelief. I often interrogated God with arrogance, questions that I never asked (but am dying to know about) my dad.

Meet my Dad

When I finally realized, understood and accepted the overdue fact that I will never have the father that I want from my dad (please note that I only settled this within me at the age of 23), I remembered my spiritual mentor telling me before that I was never fatherless (Psalm 68:5), because all this time, I have a Heavenly Father following me around wherever I go, providing the things that will be good for me (Philippians 4:19). When I come home late, He stays awake all night not because He is waiting for me to arrive and open the gate for me, but to come home/dorm with me. Abba Father never left my side because He knows I get anxious easily. He sustains me just in time to pay my bills (hahaha) (Matthew 6:25-30). Whenever I want something really badly, He doesn’t spoon-feed me because He doesn’t want to spoil me; instead, He helps me filter my needs from my wants.

Whenever I make unwise decisions, He makes sure that I learn from them. And when I still don’t, He’s still there to support me on my retakes (Job 33:29-30; Jonah 3:1-2). Most importantly, He protects me from the wrong boys who try to induce me to invest my emotions on them. And whenever I give in, He’s still there, watching my every move to make sure I don’t get trapped beyond deliverance (1 Corinthians 10:13). He supports me in every dream and He makes sure that He is involved in each of them (Jeremiah 29:11). Yes, He is such a stage Father. He always believes in me, probably because I am His child and it would be an insult to Him and His perfect genes to look at His very own child as incompetent and a loser-for-life (Psalm 139:13-18).

Above all, He loves me unconditionally. And He makes sure that I feel and know that every single day. Now, the roles of a dad are clear for me and my Heavenly Father demonstrates it perfectly.

So, the perk of having two dads is…

When your earthly father fails you, your Heavenly Father finds you.

-Jenna Lucado

 

 

Becoming Great

We all want to live the length of our lives, but are we currently living the width of it? Are we always striving to become great, or are we playing on the mediocre ground? God designed us to be great, because He himself is the greatest. But how do we become great?

 

Believe the Promise (Genesis 15:4-6)

During the Old Testament times, the Lord promised to Abram that a son of his own flesh and blood will be born out of Sarai, and that son will make him the greatest – the father of all nations. When Abram believed, God fulfilled His promise no matter how long it took. And as promised, Jesus Christ was born out of Abraham’s seed, the father of all nations. Believing that Jesus was crucified and rose from the dead for the atonement of the world’s sin is the Promise that was already fulfilled and all we have to do is believe that promise.

 

Know the Promise

God promised us a lot of good things in life, and knowing that He was able to fulfill His greatest promise, what reason do we have to doubt all His other promises? When we dig deeper through the Scriptures, we will know the promises that we can hold on to. Cast all your cares upon him (Matthew 11:28), your future is secured (Jeremiah 29:11). He will provide all your needs (2 Corinthians 9:8). To know His promises, we must know Him intimately.

Make Known the Promise

John the Baptist was one of the greatest men in the Bible. Although Abraham, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah and the rest of the Old Testament men were able to foresee the coming of the Messiah, John the Baptist, despite his weird dessert-guy looks, was the only privileged man to baptize the Messiah himself (Matthew 3:13-17). What made John the Baptist the greatest? Well, John was fearless and frank. He spoke of the Gospel in a very straightforward manner (Matthew 3:1-12). He prepared the way through his teachings. Aside from that, his faithfulness to his mission made him the greatest. He lived to the end knowing that he lived the length and the width of his life for Jesus. He was faithful to his mission in making the promise known to all people.

We all want to become great in our career and family life. Whatever you are right now – an engineer, a doctor, an accountant, a lawyer, a businessman or a mother, you are also a Christian. So as we take our careers seriously, we should also take our Christianity seriously. Careerin na rin natin ang pagiging Kristyano. And just like John the Baptist, we can become the greatest!

 

This is a summary of God’s message through Christ’s Commission Fellowship.

It’s Never Too Late to Say Thanks.

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. I was supposed to make this blog post last night but then I forgot. This morning, God reminded me about this post during my daily devotional. He gave me this verse from Exodus:

Honor your father and your mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Exodus 20:12

Hello Mom,

Happy birthday. I want you to know that I cannot thank God enough for having you as my mom. We’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through a lot. There are two of us and only one of you. You were the mom and the dad. I can still visually remember when you’d take us to your early-morning marketing for your super small carenderia because nobody will stay with us at home. In the afternoon, you’d sell halo-halo and ulam so that we can have money for our fare when we go to school. You’d even allow me to tangle your hair because I can’t sleep at night without doing it. You’d buy us those burger machine mini-burgers but I never saw you buy one for yourself. You sacrificed too much of yourself and even your youth just for us.

I will never forget the time when you cried because I got a detention slip (because I was so talkative) and Daddy got really angry and made a big deal out of that small stuff. That was the only time I saw you cry in my almost 23 years of existence. When Daddy told you that he married another woman, I never saw you cry. When Daddy got mad because you wanted to move to Subic, I never saw you cry. When Daddy would yell at you because he was afraid that you’d take us away from him, I never saw you cry. When you hear criticisms from Daddy’s relatives, I never saw you cry. And until now Mom, I still wonder how you do it. How you don’t cry when bullets hit you straight to your heart.

Whenever I meet new people, they’d always think that I grew up from a rich family. What they don’t know is, you pawned every gold that you had so that you can send us to good schools. We had to live in an orphanage for almost a year because you and Daddy parted ways. While we were in the orphanage, we were always lucky to have hand-me-down dresses and shoes that perfectly fit us. You taught us not to beg for anything, instead sweat for it. People didn’t think of us as rich because we dress extravagantly, but because we have standards that are higher than our heels.

Even if you don’t say it, I know that you loved Daddy. Because if you didn’t, I would be here. I’ve always believed that I was never an accident. Sometimes, it is sad to think that you and Dad didn’t work out, but when I see how happy you are right now with Tatay, Rev and Siobe, I am also happy. And because of that, I have always believed in true love. It may not be the first, but second love does not mean second best.

I know you tried your best to teach us everything that we have to avoid in life. I’m sorry, Mom, because there are things that I have to learn the hard way. You don’t have to worry about us anymore. We know our limits and we were born and raised as fighters. You don’t have to protect us anymore, Mom. You can now protect your another set of little ones. Thank you for being a supermom. I love you.

-Tina

You Open Doors and Look for Love

You can’t remember the last time you were happy. All your life, you’ve been opening doors and looking for love. Now you stop and pause for a while, thinking which door to open again, with the highest hope that this time, it will be the avenue to an everlasting love.

The society’s first channel of love already failed to impress you, because your parents themselves don’t love each other anymore. You ask yourself how love can be real when you can’t even feel it in your own home. Your comfort zone is no longer comfortable. Still, you are positive that somewhere out there is your True Love. You go out and open your first door.

As you come in to this door, you see people. Tons of people. People of different flavors. Wild ones. Tamed ones. Classy ones. Smart Ones. You choose the ones who are just like you. For the first time in your life, you feel loved and accepted. in your utmost joy, you promise to yourself that you are never letting these people go.

In the long run, you notice something… Something that was not taught to you at home. Something like… Alcohol. Smoke. Drugs. Parties. Sex. You are scared. Horrified. You want to run to the door as fast as you can. Before you could even make a move, a friend grabs you by the hand. He assures you that everything will be okay. He says that it will not hurt, not even a little. It is just for fun. Fun? Of course, that’s what Love is about, right? Fun! Love should be fun! You trust that person and give in to Fun.

Not long enough, you open another door. You catch someone’s attention. You catch a boy’s heart. You always say to yourself that this boy is cute and fun to be with, but you are hesitant. You know what happened to your Mom and Dad. You don’t believe in romantic love. All you want is to play games. But this boy is really serious about you. Is he the exception to the rule? You ask yourself again. The boy answers, “you will never know until you try.” You trust that person and give in to Romantic Love.

Everything seems so perfect. Though home is a gloomy place, but outside is a rainbow and you just found the pot full of gold! You are excelling in everything. You have friends. You have a boyfriend to be with you. What else could go wrong?

Not long enough, something goes wrong. Everything goes wrong.The boy who promised you the future walks out the door and chases after his dreams. Your friends, whom you thought would comfort you, disappears in a blink of an eye. In a matter of seconds, you lost everything. You lost what you called Love. Before you know it, your entity is shattered. You are full of shame. Your great wall of defense is destroyed.

All you ever wanted was Love. That wasn’t too much to ask, or was it? You opened every door and looked for Love. And went out on every door empty-handed, rolling down the hill.

It wasn’t a rainbow after all. It was a dark alley. It wasn’t a pot of gold after all. It was a sinking sand. All that is left for you to do now is wait for a miracle. You wish you can tell your mom about it, but you are covered with shame. You wish you can tell your dad about it, but he is not around. You wish you can tell a sibling about it, but will your sibling understand?

You sit beside a door and cry. You cry for hours. You cry for days. You cry for weeks. Until you get tired of crying. In your curiosity, You wonder what’s in that door. But you’re afraid. You are traumatized. You don’t want to open the wrong door again. To your surprise, somebody is knocking. You try figuring out who it is. It was a heavy knock, more like a strike by a man’s hand. You are scared. Afterwards, the man speaks,

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

That’s a familiar voice. You heard that voice before. You try to recall. Who could it be? Suddenly, you had a flashback. His voice is the one you’ve been hearing but completely ignoring throughout your search! He’s the one who’s been telling you to stop opening the doors. But you didn’t listen.

So much for the nostalgia, you open the door with excitement. You see His face. All your questions are confirmed. He is the One. He is the One you’ve been hearing in your Sunday School. He is the Voice of Truth. You grab His hands to check if He’s real. You see His nail-pierced hands. You cry. You cry in shame. You cry in repentance. You cry, because all this time you were opening the doors, you were crucifying Him over and over and over. All this time you were opening the doors, He was outside knocking at your door, waiting to be invited to come in.

While you weep, He hugs you. He hugs you so tightly. It is not a familiar hug. It is a warm hug. It is a comforting hug. You’ve never been hugged like this before. You ask yourself, could this be True Love? He hears the questions in your mind and says, Yes, I am Love.

You look around, the door is not there anymore. You see something else. You see yourself standing beside a cross. You see Him standing beside you. Holding your hand. You see a road. He asks you if you want to take a walk with Him. You ask Him where the walk is headed. He tells you that you are walking towards eternity. And with that promise, you know that it is True Love indeed.

This is how I said Goodbye

Last year, one of my most valued relationship ended. It was not a very beautiful ending, but I believe God will make everything beautiful in His time. So, this is how I virtually(because it was sent via email haha) said goodbye:

I know I have hurt you in the past, but I do not know how much hurt I
caused you and how deep I cut you. I will never know that until I
stepped in your shoes.

This is to deeply, genuinely and truly say sorry for everything that I
caused you–pain, discouragement, pressure, depression, bitterness,
hate, insult… If there are more that I failed to mention, please
inform me so that I can confess them as well. I will not be fully
released from my guilt until I confess every little evil thing that
I’ve done.

Sorry for being insensitive. Sorry if I made you feel that I didn’t
care and I never cared for you. I did care for you. And I honestly
still do. Sorry if I wasn’t able to let you feel the care that you
wanted in your level of need. Sorry for being selfish and focusing too
much on how I feel and completely neglecting how you feel.

Sorry for trying to change you. I may have succeeded in some aspects,
but the change was temporal. There is still someone in you who wants
to break free, who wants to be himself and I almost killed that
person. I’m sorry for trying to change you and loving you for who you
can be and not for who you are. Sorry for trying to save you. You
didn’t need a hero. You were your own hero and I failed to see that.

Sorry for demeaning you. I honestly believe that you have great
potentials, but my impatience and frustration on myself made you feel
that you were worthless, good-for-nothing, unappreciated, useless and
a terrible person in totality. You are not any of those I mentioned
and I’m happy that you know that. Sorry for doubting you.
Sorry for manipulating you.

Sorry for being too ambitious and having a very low threshold for
failure that whenever I fail in life, I pour my anger on you.

Sorry for saying negative things about your family. I thought by doing
so, you will feel that you have me on your side. It was very wrong for
me to do that.

Sorry for forcing you into doing something that you do not want like
eating carrots, potatoes and okra. On the more serious side, sorry for
forcing you to step out of your comfort zone.

Sorry for comparing you with other people. I know how it feels, to be
honest. I was insensitive and stupid enough not to know that you will
feel the same way as I did.

Sorry if I wasn’t ready to see you in person when you came home. I am
not physically and psychologically well. It was rude to do
that. Deeply sorry.

As a Christian, sorry for giving you a traumatic experience on how it
is to have a Christian (girl)friend. Christians are not all like me.
Please do not hate everyone else just because of what you experienced
with me.

I want you to know that you also did me wrong. I’m giving you freedom
from guilt by forgiving you, and whatever bitterness I’m feeling will
be resolved between me and God. I forgive you. I do not expect
you to pay for your sins against me. I am forgiving you the way God
forgave me when I hurt you, automatic, unconditional and genuine.
Whatever you hear from other people that I said against you, please do
forgive me again. In my anger, I have sinned.

I do not know if you’re still hurting, or you have completely moved
on. I pray for God’s favor to be upon you in everything that you are
doing and will do in the future. I hope that someday, when we meet
each other in the street, there will no more bitterness, resentment or
even love residues. I wish we can easily give each other a smile and a
hi. It was 3 beautiful years with you, thank you very much. I am sorry
for being the worst kind of imperfection that you experienced.

Right now, all I can say is that I am happy I’m free. And slowly, God is blessing the broken road and burnt bridges because it lead me back to Him.

My Love Letter to a Man

Dear Mister,

I know this is too straightforward for a woman to do, but I am writing to tell you that I love you. All this time, it’s still you, and even when tomorrow comes, I know it will still be you.

Sorry. Sorry for everything that I caused you–for the pain, for every heartache, for the humiliation, for the lies, for the unfaithfulness. I am deeply sorry. My heart grieves as I remember how I mistreated you in the past, and it wrenches me even more as I remember how you never showed your pain, how you bore everything for my sake, how you stood up for me every time I fall short, how you fill in all the empty spaces in me.

Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for never getting tired of pursuing me. Thank you that you never change your mind on me in spite of me. Thank you for always telling me that I am beautiful and deserving to be loved. Thank you, because when I left you to be with another one, you waited. You waited patiently and lovingly for me to come back. Thank you, because the moment I came back, your warm and tight hug gave me the assurance that everything will be alright. Thank you for being so accessible. Thank you for listening, not just to what my mouth has to say, but to every desire and cry of my heart. Thank you because you never run out of time for me. Thank you for not keeping any record of wrongs. Thank you for forgiving me and choosing not to remember. Thank you for the unlimited grace. Thank you for every breath that I take. Thank you for holding me with your nail-pierced hands.

I am writing to tell you that I love you, and may I be able to prove it more each day. This time around, I will not leave you again, not even for the world. I don’t need a man who is willing enough to die for me, because you already did.

I am confident that finally, true love found me.

I am writing to tell you that I love you, because you loved me first.

-Martina Louise

The Good Decision Vs. The Wise Decision

Hi reader! Happy new year! It took a while before I blogged again because God was still waiting for the perfect time to give me something to write about.

Months ago, I applied for my dream job of becoming an editor for an American publishing company which has a satellite office here in the Philippines. I got rejected in my face(virtually, because it was via email haha) during my first try. After they rejected me, they called me up for an interview and I had myself scheduled the next day. The following day, I waited for what seemed like eternity for that precious call, but to no avail. I waited for days. When days turned to weeks, I halfheartedly joined a job fair in a mall. It did not turn out to be a good one because I only got one interview among five companies that I applied for, and that single interview turned out to be an epic fail because I wasn’t qualified for the job! After another disappointment with the job fair, I went back to wishfully thinking about my dream job.

Should I call them or not? Will I appear too desperate if I do? What should I say? Or should i just email them?

-Internal Monologue

I asked my trusted friends and family about it, and most of them are worried about the location of my dream job, with which I cannot reveal to you (yet) why ;).  I did a lot of pondering and praying though, but I never made any move to pursue my dream job again because I was afraid that I might be taking things in my hands and ending up disobeying my Master.

The Power of Prayer

During my review, I started praying for a job that will nurture me in my profession. I was praying for a job in an auditing firm or as financial analyst in a bank. Since I didn’t pass the exam, I gave up on the idea of naming a specific job and just let God give me a job, any job! Two months after the exam and weeks after dancing cha-cha with my dream job, I got an unknown message from a ‘cooperative’ saying that they need a cost analyst in a big manufacturing company that uses a very intelligent accounting software. Since I am a big fan of this company, I decided to go and sell myself to them with the dream of getting unlimited supply of their products. 🙂 After praying and believing that God orchestrated all of these to happen, I grabbed the job opportunity and behold, I am now a “fruit ninja”, all by God’s amazing grace.

At the Point of Dilemma

January 3, 2014

While I was at work, I got a phone call. An unknown number. “Who could it be? I am using my old phone so this must be somebody that I know.” When I answered the call, lo and behold, it was my dream job! They want me again! I only had milliseconds to think!

Should I say yes for an interview? If I do, I am pretty confident that I will get the position this time. They would not call me again if they think I am not qualified. They could have just shredded my resume if they are not interested. of course they want me. No, they need me! Oh no, I am employed. I can’t leave my job. No, not just yet. I already gained my colleagues’ trust (at least I think). It’s too early to leave. 15 days of employment? Way too early. 

-Internal Monologue

From the outburst of my emotion, I declined to have an interview. I told them that I am currently employed. After putting down the phone, I felt my new heart slowly being broken. I heard it made tiny sounds of being cracked. Guess what? I gave up my dream job!  I felt like a fool. Immediately, I talked to a trusted friend about it and she confirmed my stupidity. Hahaha! 🙂 I went home from work heartbroken and perplexed.

What does God really want me to do? I thought He brought me into this job. Why did He allow my dream job to be resurrected again? I don’t want to hurt myself again by making a decision that might turn out to be wrong. On the other hand, I don’t want to hurt other people if I make a decision right.

-Internal Monologue 

As I was on a long jeepney ride home, I started to analyze further.

“This can’t be God’s will (fruit ninja job). Because if it is, why is the compensation poor? I am happy because I have very cool colleagues but why am I not contented? If I get that dream job, I will be living the dream–working girl on pencil skirt, vest and stilettos while drinking a gigantic cup of brewed coffee from Starbucks. That’s my dream! Why am I settling for the low compensation, long walks from main gate to office v.v. and ‘buwis-buhay(life-threatening?)’  jeepney rides?” 

-Internal Monologue

I was already holding my tears (and breaths) while I was in the jeep because I am having my anxiety attacks again.

When I got home, I sent a text brigade to my trusted high-school girlfriends:

Help. Pray for me as soon as you read this. Spiritual discernment and wisdom. Pure motives. Staying on the right course. And peace of mind. I would give up everything for tonight’s peace of mind.

At the same time, I was also scanning the internet while texting my friend who called me up earlier to help me relieve my anxiety. You don’t want to see me break down on anxiety attacks and neither do I. I was already crying until I remembered about Lot and Abram. The moment that part of the history entered my mind, I immediately did my Bible reading: Journey to finish the whole Bible in 2014 and asked God to speak to me somewhere in the chapters that I will read. Amazingly, I reached the chapter narrating the story between Abram and Lot.

Warning: Tough Decisions Ahead!

On Genesis 13, Abram and his nephew, Lot decided to separate because their wealth were growing too fast and they were starting to have disputes. Since Abram was generous enough, he allowed Lot to make the first choice of which land to own and whatever is left will be for Abram.

The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want the land to the left, then I’ll take the land on the right. If you prefer the land on the right, then I’ll go to the left.

Genesis 13:9

Lot took the opportunity of choosing what seemed to be the best in his own eyes. As you read through the whole chapter of Genesis 13, Lot chose the fertile plains of Jordan Valley. He knew what was best for him, or at least he thought he did! Until it was later on discovered that…

…and Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom and settled among the cities of the plain. But the people of this area were extremely wicked and constantly sinned against the Lord.

Genesis 13:12b-13

Lot got himself in a really huge mess. What he thought was good in his own eyes was actually the opposite in God’s eyes. Most of the times, we trust ourselves too much and fail to ask God’s opinion on a specific decision. I asked myself this:

Can I really trust myself on this? Am I stronger this time? Strong against alcohol? Excessive shopping? Luxurious coffee drinking? The possibility of entering into a new relationship which could turn out to be wrong? Unhealthy and impure compromises? Peer pressure? Am I trustworthy enough to surpass all these?

-Internal monologue

The answer is no. The moment I gave an answer, I already made a decision. I am staying here, right where God wants me to be. 

If you are interested with what happened to Lot, you will find in Genesis that Abram had to rescue Lot twice from where he lived. The first one is in Genesis 14 and the second one was in Genesis 19 wherein God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and Abram had to bargain from God to save Lot and his family.

But God had listened to Abraham’s request and kept Lot safe, removing him from the disaster that engulfed the cities on the plain.

Genesis 19:29

Decide to Decide: God’s Way or My Way?

I hope you will not get me wrong. It does not necessarily mean that living in a metro packed with different kinds of sinful lifestyle makes you one of God’s public enemy. 🙂 I live in a big city right now and sin is everywhere–sin wrapped in a beautiful package. If you listen closely to God, you will have the wisdom and spiritual discernment to make decisions that will not contradict His will. He may decide to take you there and use you to touch people’s lives. In my case, I know I am still spiritually immature to put myself in an environment full of traps. But by God’s grace, I am capable to change and become more like Christ and less like me! Soon, I can also stand strong against my weaknesses because the power of Christ is in me.

Whatever it is that you are struggling with right now: to make up or break up, to surrender or go on, to make amends, to grab an opportunity, to leave your comfort zone, always decide to love and obey God because in the future, He rewards those who diligently seek Him!

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Hebrew 11:6

Plato once said that a good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers. I agree. And wise decisions are based on your personal relationship with your Sailor and not on your own eyes.

This is your year and my year! Let us claim it! Wise decisions for 2014, here we come! 🙂

Annual Praise Report

Time flies fast. It flies faster than I’m maturing. 😉 It feels like 24 hours isn’t enough for a whole day. 7 days isn’t enough for a week. 4 weeks isn’t enough for a month. And 12 months isn’t enough for a year. Definitely, one year isn’t enough to achieve everything in my bucket list.

As I look back at 2013, Not much was accomplished especially in my chosen profession. As a matter of fact, much has been said, done but lost. It wrenched me to know that my failures are overstated and my success – pretty much of a null. However as I pondered deeper, I came up with a realization: my eyes were only focused on my unfortunate events of 2013. I failed to see the most beautiful masterpiece – God’s divine providence and redirection in my life. When I started to count my blessings, I was thrilled and amazed by how God has blessed me this year! Here is my Praise Report for the year 2013:

Martina Louise Valles

Praise Report

As of December 21, 2013

God and Talent

This year, He taught me how to use my God-given talent – writing. I used to have a blog when I was in college. I wrote mainly about my frustrations and every negative element that gets into my skin. Even when I was a staff writer and a column editor in our school publication, I always had an eye against my Alma Mater. I was a predator waiting for its prey to fall in my trap. Early this year, I put myself in a situation that harmed my talent. After that shameful incident, I decided to quit writing for good because one person made me believe that I failed as a writer and a student journalist.

Last month, God shook me out of my existence and gave me back my talent. He gave me the passion to write again, and this time, the overwhelming desire is amazingly different. It was a numinous feeling, I mean me being empowered to write for Him?? I feel like Thor being able to pick up his hammer again!

God and Relationships

This year, I lost too many relationships. Some chose to leave, while others were just gone with the wind [I always jokingly tell myself that the storms in my life are too strong that ‘friends’ were blown away ;-))]. Who wants to be alone in this over-populated, fast-paced and insincere world? Certainly not me.

Praise God for realigning my path! Sometimes, God had to dispose everything to make something new out of the person in you. Was it necessary to flood the whole world and preserve only animals of two and Noah’s family? Without a doubt! God cannot start something new with Noah when everything around him is wicked. I am not saying that I’m the holy one and those people plucked out from me are wicked. From time to time, God had to remove the things that are hindering Him from doing wonders in you, whether these are people, jobs, material possessions and even good health.

After one of my most-valued relationship ended this year, He taught me a very valuable lesson. He taught me to let go and let God. The love story that I was trying to write ended with a single period, not an ellipsis. I learned to surrender the pen to Him and let Him write my love story. Aside from that, He showed me that the right relationship that I should value the most is my relationship with Him. When my relationship with Him is firmly established and intimate, He will take care of my relationships here on Earth.

God, Career and Character Building

When I failed the board exam, I realized how much God really loves me. He knew very well I wasn’t ready. Not only in terms of head knowledge, but it primarily boils down on my character. I was emotionally and psychologically imbalanced. I was arrogant and proud. I was self-absorbed. I was tactless and disrespectful. I was not fit to become a CPA, not just yet. I learned that in Life, the most important exam to surpass is the test of character-building. When you pass that Life-long series of test, little successes will come in one at a time. And the tests that you pass become God’s testimony in you!

God and His Provision

I was an online freelancer. I had a job that can earn big time without exerting too much mental and physical effort but might be dreadful to the future. This year, as part of my character test, God convicted me to quit the job and trust the windows of Heaven for His provision. After all, He promised that I am more valuable than any creature in this Earth, so why worry? (Luke 12:6-7, Luke 12:25-32)

Gods Promise:

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 KJV

True enough, God did! He sustained me throughout my review and two months thereafter, He provided a job that will enhance not just my career, but my patience, my health and my attitude as well! I only asked for a job, but He gave me  all these! Wow thank You Lord! 🙂

God may not have given me what I asked for for 2013, but He certainly has a way of surprising me. He gave me a mess and turned it into His message. He gave me a test and turned it into His testimony. Praise God for 2013!

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.

Psalm 71:20

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

I would love to hear how God worked in you this year. Comment below and let us celebrate God’s goodness together! 🙂