We all have our tough years. I am only 22 years old, and so far, my toughest year is this year, 2013! I started the year with a public humiliation when I failed in my job and passion as a writer. That event was followed by my first (and God willing, my last) heartbreak. And recently, I took the CPA board examinations and… failed!
No language can speak of my sorrow. My nights became pitch black. The moon lost its power to lighten my darkest hours. The days were even more tormenting. My bitter soul reflected its anguish on my physique. I lost a huge amount of weight. My hair loss became more evident. I always had globus sensations especially at night. I became very sleepless to the extent that I needed calming pills to ease my anxiety attacks. My Mexican (big and beady) eyes became tumid due to lack of sleep and intense weeping.
Then the handsome Lucifer came into the already-miserable picture. He came as a “knight in shining armor”. He started telling me things. Things like:
You deserved all of these. Are you really sure you were meant to become a writer? I mean, just look at you. You are not even devoted to studying the Bible, and you call yourself a passionate writer? He was right for leaving you. Your attitude sucks. You are a hypocrite and a manipulator. You aren’t even pretty. No wonder he left you! And now you think you will become a CPA? C’mon. Your school doesn’t even believe you’ll make it. If they can have it their way, they wouldn’t allow you to take because you will ruin the reputation of your school. Where are your friends now, Miss Congeniality? You used to have a bunch of friends, but now they’re gone. See? Your attitude really sucks. So this is what raw Christianity looks like. Are you really up for this? You can always back out, so better back out now before you rot in your own misery. I have the whole world to offer–money, love. Name it, I have it.
Before I knew it, Satan was able to establish a playground in my head. This I will not deny: Yes, I did suspect God’s goodness. Yes, I did question God’s love. Yes, I did mock God’s sovereign power. Yes, I did doubt God. The spiritual battle in me was a daily activity–bloody and deadly to my soul. This was me, the girl who grew up in a Christian environment, in a crucial decision point of giving up Christianity.
Just when I was in the dangerous point of giving up, God gave me Job. Job, the most righteous man alive during his time, was stripped off of everything that he had–wealth, family (children) and health. But despite all these, he never gave up on God.
…Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Job 1:21 KJV
Then I asked God, “But I will never be like Job. He was righteous and I am way far from being one.” And the avid Listener of my wailing responded in II Corinthians 5,
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
II Corinthians 5:21 NIV
I realized that when we received God’s eternal gift through Jesus Christ, we were already made righteous before Him and nothing (Romans 8:38-39) can take that away from us! Praise God!
Job’s suffering were incomparable to mine but he never doubted God’s goodness. As I went through the whole book of Job, I found the verse that spoke to me and I am now clinging onto,
But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
Job 23:10 KJV
God knows every step that we make and He knows where every move is heading. Trials and temptations will surely come along the way and they all play a major role in our Christ-like transformation. Rest assured that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle (I Corinthians 10:13) and He will always renew our strength (Isaiah 40:32).
Even at the point of death, Job trusted and obeyed God by faith. In the end, God restored Job’s fortunes and even multiplied it, and true enough, Job came forth as gold.
At the end of the day, these final words will I say: I am glad I obeyed.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
II Timothy 4:7-8 NIV
Figuring Things Out. 